Showers

Last week would have marked the start of my third trimester. And while every week has been hard, it really got to me again last week. Nothing about this has been easy but the combination of getting my period and receiving four baby shower invitations was a lot to handle.

The baby shower invitations are for friends all due in September thru November. They are all younger then me and haven't been married as long. Two of them just celebrated a year this spring.

Last night when Eric and I were at dinner, still nursing a hangover from the night before, a happy couple announced to their table of family of friends that they were expecting. I turned to Eric and said, "we just can't get away from it, can we?". After another rough week it wasn't what I needed to hear while I down my coke. Luckily, Eric changed the subject and we focused on our upcoming trip instead. He's good like that.

Sometimes I still look down at my belly I can't believe nothing is there. It's like a wake up and think that this was all a bad dream. I buy baby shower gifts on what seems like a weekly basis and I keep thinking that this should be for me.

Many women who have experienced a loss, say to avoid baby showers. I skipped out on one earlier this year already. Two of the showers I'll go to (because Im hosting one), another I'll probably miss because it's in Charlotte and the the other one, I'm going to wait until the very last day to reply. If I'm pregnant I'll go, if I'm not I'll skip it. Silly but true.

As my would have been due date rapidly approaches, and my uterus is still empty, I'm sad but hopeful. Hopeful that this will be our month and that an April baby is in our future.