7w6d

Today, is the moment of truth. Today, I go in for my 8 week check-up and by now they should be able to see a heartbeat. I'm so nervous/excited/anxious.

Part of me has a feeling that everything will be okay, I've been throwing up a lot and I swear I see a little bump starting to form (my mom asked if it was from all my snacking). Part of me is also worried that this won't be the consolation I need because last time the fetus stopped growing at 8w2d. I have no idea if they would be able to tell that something was wrong last time, and so that fear is still with me. I don't think until I have a baby in my arms that the feeling of uncertainty will go away.

Besides writing this, I've made a point to make myself busy today. I've "saved" errands for this morning and afternoon so that I have to keep my mind off of things (the appointment is at 1). We also have friends coming in town tonight, so the prep of getting ready for them has been a nice distraction.

My mom is also anxiously awaiting because she wants to be able to tell her best friends. Yesterday, I finally told her about the chemical pregnancy is June. She kept on making comments about how "she never knew it was so hard to pregnant". So, I told her, well for me it's not. This is my third time being pregnant this year and it's only August. Although I didn't want to let her in on that little part of our lives, it shut her up and I think gave her a little more understanding as to why Eric and I are so guarded about everything.

Time to make myself busy!