August

Today, is August 1st, next month I was supposed to be having a baby but obviously I am not.  Overall, I've been in a pretty good place emotionally recently. I've been up beat and relaxed.

This weekend, will be a true test of just how stable I am feeling. I have a baby shower Saturday morning for a friend due September 29th (three days after I was supposed to be) and I am hosting a shower for my best friend that is due two weeks after I was on Sunday. And if that wasn't enough, in between these two showers I am having dinner with a friend who just announced that she is pregnant. It's like I am glutton for punishment.

Luckily, I am at the end of my cycle right now and waiting to take a hpt next week. The end of my cycle is always a better time for because there is a chance I could be pregnant. If AF decides to show up this weekend instead well then, it could be all over for me. And although the thought of being pregnant excites me, I also know that there is a lot more after that I'll need to face. Getting pregnant is one hurdle, staying pregnant will be much a bigger hurdle.

Part of me wants to take a hpt on Saturday morning before I go to all these showers. A positive would be a relief, a negative would be a heartbreak. I know in my heart though that I need to wait until Wednesday, a day after my AF is supposed to start. I'm going to try my best to hold out for that day.

I feel like I've said this for way too many months now but... here's to August!