The Pact

On my 29th Birthday one of my best friends told me that she was pregnant. For years we had joked that we wanted to be pregnant together and had formed a "pregnancy pact". At the time we made this pact, I was married and I don't even think she was dating anyone, it seemed like a far away kind of thing.

On Super Bowl Sunday I told her I was pregnant, that night she took a test and found out she was too. It seemed like the pact was working. In fact when she told me about her pregnancy she said "I held up my side of the pact". We were both so excited. She was two weeks behind me and for those couple of weeks we loved be pregnant together. We would text, call and compare notes (well I did research and she asked).

Of course, then things changed. For one of us at least. 

Having one of your closest friends whose younger and been married for less amount of time  be pregnant hasn't been easy. But, for the most part I've handled it pretty well, telling myself things like "well we got to travel" or "I'm glad I married who I did".  Yesterday, things got a little rougher though. We went to visit her at work and I noticed something.... a little belly. Seeing that little belly made things so much more real. I'm supposed to have a belly and be two weeks ahead of her.

When I saw her it was rough, but I handled it okay because last night I thought I might be pregnant again too. Unfourtunatley all those "symptoms" just meant the start of my period. Which, is why this suddenly all became harder this morning.

On Monday I know she is planning on telling our supper club group. I hope it doesn't cause me to burst into tears. Hanging out with her is going to be hard. Really really hard. Like so hard I have this feeling I just want to avoid her. Does that make me a bad friend? Probably. But when your life is surrounded by friends with kids seeing one of your best friends go through all the things you should be going through (at the time you should be doing it) is just something that might be better avoided.