Today, is Father's Day and once again we aren't celebrating. Well, we are celebrating with my dad but not with Eric. If this last one had stuck we'd be almost 7 weeks along. Instead, I'm peeing on sticks and hoping for the best for next month.
I still have hope that next year will be Eric's first father's day. We will celebrate with a newborn and the memories of the struggle to get there will be behind us. I know my body can do this. I just know it can.
Last night we were at a wedding and this woman who was probably 30 weeks along was dancing up a storm. She had so much energy and looked fantastic. Eric was memorized by her (as were a lot of people). And I found myself getting jealous of her. Someone, I had no idea who she was but that she was pregnant and so full of life. Then he said, "I need to take a picture of this".
I held it together.
And even though I know he didn't mean any harm, I just told him that we don't need pictures of random pregnant women.
I think he understood.
This whole struggle has been really hard on me/us. I'm surrounded by it now matter where I turn.
Last night before the wedding I had one drink and I had another once I got there. Since alcohol really intensifies my emotions I think it's best that I stay away from it. If I had a couple drinks in me when Eric said he wanted to take that picture I might have lost it. And that wouldn't have been good.
So, today on Father's Day I need to remember that our mother's and father's day will come soon and celebrate that.
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