I Thought This Would Be Easier

I thought getting pregnant was supposed to be easier. At least that's what it's always seemed to be. The story is supposed to go something like this:

1. Meet a boy and fall in love
2. Marry boy
3. Spend a few weeks/months/years enjoying being married
4. Start "trying"
5. Pop a baby out
6.Two to three years later have another
7. Repeat step 6... maybe.
8. Live happily ever after

I thought that's how our story would go. We did everything we were supposed to do. Got married, had fun for a few years and then bam a baby was supposed to come.

Watching my husband with my handicapped brother over the past few weeks and re-confirmed that I know he'll be a great dad. I know he'll be caring and loving and will do anything for that child. I want to give him that opportunity so bad.

Hearing the news of the chemical pregnancy today was really really scary. What if we can't get pregnant (and stay pregnant) like our friends. What if something is wrong with one of us? What if we can never have a baby?

This is one of those things I thought would be easy. I thought these things just happen.  I never thought I'd be one to miscarry. Even after that I thought I'd get pregnant right away like all my friends.

I thought this would be easier.

When I'm in a store, looking on facebook or see a child anywhere, I want to take the mother and tell her what a miracle that baby is and how lucky she is to be a mom. I know some women get that. Some have been through what I have or their own struggles.

Someday I'll have my miracle.

It won't be easy but it will come.