Well I made it through last night without crying (at dinner at least). Last night we went to dinner with the friend that is due two weeks after I was. I sat next to her as she rubbed her belly and told us about the ultrasound.
I kept my attitude upbeat. I tried my hardest not think about how I was waiting for my period to start after my second failed pregnancy. I tried not to compare "where I would have been in my pregnancy at this point or how I was going to tell her about my new one that night.
Eric said during dinner he saw my eyes well up a few times.I'm glad I held it together though. In the car and that night at home I sobbed and sobbed in my husband's arms. I told him how sad I was, how much I wanted to be a mom and how much I wanted him to be a dad. I cried that I felt guilty things hadn't worked out and that I was the one who had taken so long to be "ready".
My AF still hasn't come but this weekend is Eric's birthday. I need to stop crying (I've ugly cried multiple times the past few days) and focus on him. I know the stress of seeing me upset isn't easy on him. It was also nice for him to recognize (for maybe the first time ever) how difficult last night was for me. That its hard to be around your pregnant friends.
Okay June, let's bring on AF and bring on the baby making. This is our month.
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