On my birthday one of my best friends told me she was pregnant. Three month's later, it's her birthday and she's still pregnant and I am not. For some reason, it's hitting me really really hard. Maybe it's because I thought April was going to be our month and that I too would be pregnant right now.
I'm so sad today. So, so sad.
Sometimes I feel the only two emotions I have anymore are sadness and jealousy. I'm jealous of friends with kids and REALLY jealous of friends that are pregnant. Today, I was on a college campus and couldn't help but to be jealous of the college girls, young, unafraid and not even thinking about the troubles that may lay ahead. I want to be that naive again.
I'm taking a lot of my frustrations out on my husband. It's not his fault but I am having a hard time being nice to him. Maybe its because I want him to be more compassionate towards me. Or maybe I find that it's easiest to blame him.
I know that this is just the beginning and that once we are pregnant that things won't always go as planned and we will face other problems. I need to get over this "why me" attitude. I need to move on. And maybe I can't move on completely but today I need to stop being so sad, so jealous and so angry. Oh yeah, anger that's my other emotion.
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